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Writing by Larissa Patton

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Is anyone else a really slow learner?

Posted on January 1, 2017January 1, 2017 by Larissa

I have a moral obligation to report in on how I went with the big announcement I made last year. To the world. On the web. For all to see. 'I’m going to write a book,' I said. By November, the pressure was on. The year was almost over and my book wasn’t finished. In … Continue reading Is anyone else a really slow learner?

Posted in WritingTagged on life, Writing5 Comments

Here I am on Facebook

Here I am on Facebook

And on Instagram

27 years of bubbles and laughs #thatslivin #thebearandthewhale @patricia_robs_ @lysandrat #missyouvick
Today’s workmates. #thebearandthewhale #farmlife #onlyinstraya #canfilmsteerandnothitthefence #clever
Teach your baby to self-settle, they said. #thebearandthewhale #cutestthingever #evenifyouhatecats #unlessyoudonthaveaheart #kittensofinsta
Dear Mum, I was just thinking back to this day last year when three of your girlfriends arrived at your house with morning tea, announcing that they hadn’t missed one of your birthdays yet. I took candid photos of you all laughing so hard that each of you had to pull a tissue from your sleeve or bra and hold it to your eyes. When they drove away, you stood on the deck waving. And I saw that you were crying. ‘I wonder if I’ll ever see them again,’ you said. You didn’t. But they loved you so much, Mum, and I bet they miss you as much as we do. I’m glad you got to spend your last birthday with them. And it’s only right now, as I’m writing this, that I don’t think I ever saw you cry at any other time during your illness. Did you do that to protect me, Mum? I did my best not to cry in front of you, too. Until the morning you told me that you’d cleaned Dad’s good shoes ready for your funeral. I’d read about the Ring Theory where the person experiencing the bad thing is in the middle ring, like the bullseye of a target. And the larger rings around that person represent, first, significant others, then true friends, casual friends and in the outermost ring, members of the larger community. I knew that if I was talking to someone in a ring smaller than mine, in this case, yours, the goal was to provide comfort and support. If I wanted to unload about how crap the situation was, I had to turn to someone within my ring or in a larger one. That was hard, Mum. You’ve always been in my ring. It was you I always cried to. And it was you I wanted to cry to. But I knew that the situation was crap in every ring and you had enough going on in yours. How on earth could I ask you to comfort me? I tried not to cry that morning, to hide my tears, but I was kneeling in front of your armchair with my hand on your knee, and you saw them. ‘Don’t cry,’ you said. It breaks my heart again no to think of the emotions bound up in those tears and your comment. We were lucky, Mum, that the ring around yours, the significant others, was so crowded that we held each other standing. We still do that. (Blog post continues in Comments)
Tough day at the office. Really tough. Mother’s Day started beautifully. I lay in bed listening to pancakes being made in the kitchen. Elsie and Maeve had brought in a colourful menu full of options and I ticked pancakes because kids like pancakes and I waited in bed because kids like serving breakfast in bed on Mother’s Day. And I thought, how cool is this? I thought about my Mum and I was so happy. I had already followed all of the links on Facebook to articles about how hard Mother’s Day can be for some, and how ’narrow-minded’ and ‘inconsiderate’ marketers’ emails demanding we ‘spoil Mum this Mother’s Day’ act as reminders for those same people to do something they can not do. Those emails hadn’t felt like reminders for me; I’ve never needed help remembering she’s gone. But today, I decided, laying in bed and enjoying the sounds from the kitchen, even if I couldn’t spoil my mum, I could certainly still celebrate and commemorate her. And I could celebrate our kids for making me a mum. And actually, while I think about it, I’m happy for those who are celebrating and spoiling their mothers today. The joy and appreciation they feel is no less valid or worthy of acknowledgement than the grief and emotions felt by those writing the articles and about whom images are being shared on social media: those who have lost their mothers, those who have lost children, those with strained relationships, those who have chosen not to be mothers and those who yearn to be mothers. Wow, this is a whole lot easier than I thought. What’s with all the ‘thinking of you this Mother’s Day’ messages that people had been sending me? This was obviously going to be a really good day. The pancakes were the same recipe that we always use, but they were more delicious than ever. Anthony said he put in extra love this time. As I marvelled again at how nice they were, Maeve suggested that next time, I try making them with extra love. We got ready to go into town for lunch with Anthony’s mum. But when we got in the car, I felt it coming. And driving into town, it felt like I was being hit over the head. (Blog post continues in Comments) #thebearandthewhale #grief #mothersdaywithoutamum
Just when you thought it was safe to get back on Instagram... #crazycatlady #shesback #sorrynotsorry #idohaveotherthingsgoingoninmylife #ipromise #thebearandthewhale

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