In the dairy industry, they call it Grand Champion; the cow with the nicest shaped udder, well-placed teats, and a strong dairy build. The judge also looks for a securely attached udder (if I was a cow, I’d be valuing that too…).
In the sheep industry, there’s the Supreme Ram, Ewe or Prime Lamb; judged on structural soundness or wool quality.
In humans, there’s Fashion on the Field.
We go to our local races each year, and every November as I get ready for our day out, I realise I have nothing much to wear and certainly no two coordinating accessories. This year I decided would be different.
I had bought a dress online a while back because it looked cool. And every girl needs a one-off purchase of a cool-looking dress with no occasion in mind.
Last week I stuffed it in a bag and took it to a hat shop where I fell in love with a fascinator that matched. At the cash register I picked myself up off the ground and handed over my card, reassuring myself that an old dress deserves a new fascinator.
Remember the nude wedges? I fished them out of the same bag and held them up in a shoe shop to see if the shop assistant snorted and asked where I got those old things. She didn’t. (This was good; I’d just put all my money towards a fascinator that I was carrying in a paper bag in front of me like it was made of the finest shards of Swarovski crystal.)
Now I just needed a bag. In the next shop the lady took my nude wedge (she didn’t laugh) and held it in front of various bags covered in large gold buckles, clasps and/or chains. I told her I wasn’t into buckles, clasps or chains.
Eventually we agreed on a plain clutch. Never owned a clutch. Never felt old enough.
So on race morning I put it all together and off we went for a great day out while Elsie and Maeve had a sleepover with their grandparents.
Did I mention we had a fun day out?
There was a moment early in the afternoon when a couple of beautiful girls descended on our marquee with a clipboard and handed me the number 53 on a piece of card. That was my number for Fashions on the Field. I was to be exhibit 53 – like you see clipped on the livestock pens at Sheepvention or International Dairy Week. I thought about popping the card in my clutch and leaving it there. But in a small town you support things. Sometimes because you should and sometimes because they’re going to be fun. I went it in because I felt I should. It’s all about numbers in small towns and if our own race day event was struggling for numbers, I didn’t think I could say plainly, ‘I don’t want to go in it.’ Imagine how our town’s kinder, schools, sporting clubs and events would go if people said plainly, ‘I don’t want to go in it.’
It all felt a bit ‘Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?’ to me. And as the question was being asked, up onto the platform I climbed and stood before the crowd at the track fence. And for a moment I felt a little bit like a sheep in pen 53 who’d been contentedly eating a little container of grain and enjoying his day before he got lead across a stage with a halter to have his characteristics and appearance judged.
As for my dress, every girl knows the importance of being able to wear a dress again (think of four bridesmaids walking down the aisle at a wedding – “Oh they look gorgeous! AND they’ll be able to wear it again.” Uh huh. Whatever…).
Well I get to enjoy it if for a lot longer yet:
Next year, I’m buying a clutch big enough to hold a big pump pack of Hamilton sunscreen.
Holy Mother of God.
I did have a crack about well placed udders but I am distracted by the sunburn!! owwiee! I hope it heals quickly because I bet its going to keep you awake for a while.
XX Jacq
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Not sunsmart at all that day, Jacq! Not smart at all.
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You looked lovely, but …. Ouch!! I had a swimsuit once with a cut out in the front, left me with a peace sign tan on my boobs all summer 😀
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Hi Kelli, thanks for stopping by! That’s funny – good if you’re wearing your swimsuit all summer (no-one would see the peace sign) but in any other summer clothing, kinda weird – like my new tan!
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Hilarious!! But you were the crowd’s choice according to some pop survey conducted by unbiased researchers! Maybe next time you won’t “pffft” at the pump pack of sunscreen on offer!! Looking forward to seeing that tan line in your bikini beside the pool…something to be said for going red, then fading back to white
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Wishing that night that I didn’t pffft at the pump pack in our lovely marquee. Happy to be over-ruled on that decision next time. Is there any prize money for the people’s choice?
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I wonder if that is why they are called “Fascinators” because it is simply fascinating how much money women are willing to pay for what it essentially an elaborate bird’s nest place precariously on their head!! You looked stunning Larissa and the old hubby didn’t scrub up too bad either. A very good looking and happy couple you make!! Now, lather yourself up with Aloe Vera and keep drinking copious amounts of water. And all this good advice comes from experience – but I must say you’ve won the total disregard for the “Slip, Slop, Slap” competition hands down!!
PS – just confirming – was the winner the one in the middle wearing the least spring looking outfit??
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Very fascinating! Thanks for your hilarious comment. Yes, I did win the total disregard for Slip, Slop, Slap hands down. And yes, the winner has stepped forward. Red cape. And the runner up has stepped forward beside her. Bet the winner didn’t have shoulders like mine that night. Smart girl.
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You looked great but OH MY GOD! That sunburn… what an eclectic little souvenir! #OUCH
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Thanks Deb! Ouchywawa alright. Lucky I turned the dress inside out the next week and lay out in the sun to balance out the tan 😉
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That is the prettiest sunburn I have ever seen! I am moving back to the country and might just give the races a go. Looks like fun. And I will ‘slip, slop, slap’. You could be forgiven. I would never think to put sunscreen on if wearing that dress. Ouch!
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Country races are great fun, Kate! And yes, my only advice is to slip, slop, slap. All the best with the move when it happens!
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Oh my fugging gawd your sunburn is hilariously SORE – sorry but that’s the best tan line I’ve ever seen! You looked stunning, and go you for supporting the race day, bless. Thanks for linking 🙂
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Thanks Emily! Enjoyed the laughs I had looking at other links. And I did have an horrendous tan for the rest of the summer. Looked more like a pigmentation disorder.
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You looked gorgeous in that fab dress – but I bet you weren’t feeling so great later that evening. Oh dear. Sunblock fail 😉
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Major fail! Lesson learnt. Usually you suffer for a night for fashion, but a whole summer of horrendous tan lines was a good lesson!
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OMG!!!!! Now that is impressive! And I bet it hurt like hell. You looked gorgeous on the day though. Love that dress!
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Thanks Renee! Not smart at all. 🙂
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