You know those ‘sleep schools’ where you take your baby and go and stay for a bit and they fix everything? Anyone know if they have ‘fussy clothing schools’? Where you take your five-year-old and stay for a bit and they fix everything?
If they don’t, would someone please start one and and call me to confirm my booking?
It’d be like the sleep school; the angels running it take the problem out of your arms and start by letting you get a good sleep.
Actually, the good sleep at the start would just be a bonus, like wine and chocolates on a arrival at a hotel room.
Later, after you were rested, they’d bring your five-year-old back and she would be happy and dressed. And they’d talk you through how they did it, because every single method you’ve ever tried hasn’t worked and you’ve run out of options.
Would anyone else book in? Or has Elsie got some sort of sensory processing disorder related to her prematurity that I diagnosed her with all by myself, with the help of my direct line to reputable medical experts and resources worldwide, Google.
She won’t wear socks, sneakers, leggings, tights, jeans, more than one long-sleeved top, anything with cuffs on her ankles or wrists (ankles I’m not too fussed about – the only way to make a pair of tracksuit pants look any worse is add cuffs at the bottom (especially given the no-sneakers-thing), or any jumper with a zip or hood.
That makes dressing in winter most unenjoyable for everyone involved. Especially when you’re in a hurry to get out the door.
I’ve tried jovial distraction and enforcement, letting her choose and giving her no choice, being nicer than I feel like being and madder than I ever wanted be. The result is always the same. She cries and tugs at sleeves and pant-legs like they’re crawling with scorpions and saying that they ‘feel funny’. And I’m left thinking, ‘Right. That didn’t work. Let’s not try that again.’ And then we get in the car and drive to wherever it is we’re going, with the same look on our faces.
This week during the school holidays I took the girls to Disney on Ice with lots of their little cousins and thousands of girls under eight dressed like princesses from fairy tales. The ones that weren’t wearing tiaras or Cinderella costumes were wearing pink dresses, tights, cardigans and Mary-Janes. And they all looked cute. And they all enjoyed the show.
And so did Elsie, feeling very comfortable in the clothing choice she’d made for the day’s outing, after I’d bowed out and left it up to her.
She was the only one in Hisense Arena wearing her school uniform.