When I was at university, my horoscope once read that I would either get pregnant or win Tattslotto. How can it be that everyone born in a particular month (actually they use the end of one month and the first half of another to make it more mysterious and believable) has the same thing happen to them each day or week? Or funnier still – have the same personality traits?
I’ve had people watch Elsie playing with Lego and they look at me and say, ‘Cancerian?’ I tell them I don’t know but her birthday is the middle of July. ‘Yep,’ and they look back at my child and nod knowingly at something that Cancerian implies about a toddler playing with Lego.
I can picture the horoscrope-makers with little packets of phrases written on cards. They pull out a card from the first pile. It says, ‘Today you will make a decision’. If they’re pushed to meet the printing deadline for the publication they’re putting it in, they leave it at that. But if there’s time, they draw a card out of the second pile: ‘about your finances.’ Okay Virgo, that can be you today. You will make a decision about your finances. Oh hang on, I’ve already done Virgo (‘Today you will worry’ and from the second pack ‘about a relationship’). The finance one can be Gemini then. And they go through and make fun little matches with the cards.
And if you’re reading your star signs, you can read any of the 12 in hindsight and apply it to yourself. Oh yeah, I did have trouble trying to figure out whether to get the margarine we always have, or the one that was on special. There was my decision about finances.
Sometimes, for a bit of fun, they put something in about the planets aligning or being close to each other or something, that makes you think, ‘Oh dear, this really must be going to happen to me today.’ And then they sit outside the newsagency and giggle, watching how many people come and buy a Tattslotto ticket.