In a shop yesterday Elsie fell in love with a turtle hand puppet. When I suggested we write to Santa and ask for a turtle hand puppet, her shoulders raised slightly then slumped forward and down with great force. Her mouth formed a perfect upside-down smile.
I reminded her that it wasn’t long until Christmas and couldn’t help but add that Santa was watching. She replied, “Well I know he’s not because we just saw him in Myer.”
And I responded with this clever comeback:
“Well…”
I’m going to publish a parenting manual. You know the one we all realise at some point didn’t come with our baby. But I’m not going to write it myself. No. Each chapter will be specific to a particular age or stage and will be written by a parent fresh out of or preferably still in that time.
If you don’t mind, I’ll write the chapter about Preps.
My chapter is going to be called ‘Preps are really tired at the end of the year and really tired after swimming so don’t traipse around Bendigo on foot after swimming lessons looking for a nice brown wallet for Dad for Christmas‘.
{Spoiler alert: Anthony if you don’t want to know what you’re getting for Christmas, click away from this page now.
He’s getting a wallet. It’s not brown. It’s not even really that nice. Because tired children.}
If you would like to contribute a chapter to the parenting manual, let me know which chapter you’d like to write and what it would be called.
A publisher is about to ring; I just know it. They offer a healthy cash advance. I use it to get an app made that shows all the places in Bendigo that sell wallets. And how many wallets they have to choose from so you know whether or not to walk there.
Writing by Larissa Patton 
You know, I think they sell wallets online!!! I thought you were smarter than that Miss Larissa!
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I’m sure they are – but not much fun for Elsie and Maeve if I buy it online and tell them that’s what they’re giving him! I thought it might be fun for them to choose a gift for him (provided it was a wallet, brown and nice…). I was wrong!
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Hmmm….which age to choose….I am still dealing with many ages Larissa but mine would be about teenage boys. It would be called “Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff…..Small Stuff?? Small Stuff?? Anything That Happens In A Teenage Boys Life Is HUGE!!” (according to the teenager in this house anyway)
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Ah, a very qualified author having been through different ages many times! You would be eligible to write multiple chapters if you wish, Deanne. And really? The small stuff doesn’t get smaller as they get older. Oh dear… x
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Larissa I’ll do the Nanny chapter! That’s the one where all the family plans for Xmas are about to be changed because one has just discovered their dog is having pups and can’t be left!!
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Oh dear Margie. That will be a very interesting chapter! I hope you enjoy your Christmas (wherever and whenever it is celebrated around the impending (canine) arrivals!) 🙂
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haha! Can I pre-order my copy? I can contribute to the 3yr old chapter ‘Why having to get my nappy changed even though I asked for it to be changed is a catastrophic, tantrum deserving event’ alternately titled ‘101 best bribes for 3yr olds’.
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Would you, Abby? I’d love to read that chapter and am sure many others would enjoy it too! Three-year-olds can be very focused and busy and I’m sure that a nappy change, while requested, doesn’t fit with their current task at hand. Thanks for stopping by! 🙂
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